Today was kind of one of those days where it's literally scary how good it was. Like it was so nice that you know the next few days will be bad. It seriously scares me.
But I guess rather than dwelling, I can focus on the fact that I'm genuinely happy. Many good things happened today, and that deserves a post. So I can remember that things can be good, too. Sometimes.
I got a job, I messaged my best friend who I haven't talked to in over a year, and I plan on talking to my mom about getting some professional help. But it surprisingly didn't end there. There was a new Bioshock video, and I thought even if we're not talking, I'm sure Alex still likes Bioshock. And on the spur of the moment, I decided to just test the waters, and send it to her.
I was extremely surprised that she responded with a neat picture to show me. I'm still surprised. It's probably gonna boggle my mind for a good while. But the main point is that it led us into a conversation. And a really nice one, too. I'm surprised I wasn't angry with her, or anything. I'm really glad that I felt, for once, the way I wanted to feel which was to be glad that we could get along without dating or anything.
I seriously hope I didn't come off as....anything but trying to be friendly. I don't know if she maybe thought I was scheming to get back with her or anything. But that really wasn't the case. I just wanted to get along.
There was only one moment that kind of sucked which was finding out how she went to a guys house all night while we were still dating. The wounds are still fresh, so of course this stung. But I'd like to think I really knew her, and she didn't do anything. Even if she went over there after the break up, I know she wouldn't do anything anyways.
The most important part of that is that we are broken up, and it's not my business. I think I'm okay with that. A little. I think I just kind of want to be assured that she didn't fool around behind my back, even if everything did suck between us. But one thing that did make me feel a lot better is being assured some things.
The biggest reason why everything was so bad last night was the paranoia of Alex going back to Tom, or talking shit behind my back, or whatever. I was just really paranoid about it for some reason, but she told me about how she doesn't even get online anymore and a lot of stuff about not even telling people about how we broke up and everything. I wanna try to stop being an obsessed kind of person, but I'm still glad to hear that so I can totally rest easy.
Either way, and I know it's probably dumb to be so glad, but this talk is exactly what I needed. I talked before about how she never had the chance to be as good as Emily, but Emily and I never was able to just talk and try to get along after we broke up. Of course, we had a lot more history, but whatever.
Before I start rambling, the point is is that me and Alex talked and got along really well tonight. She even said that it was nice talking to me, too. I could not have asked for it to go any better. And it's all thanks to that Bioshock video that came out today and getting a job to make me happy enough to try and test the waters out with Alex.
So holy shit. I'm happy. Who knew it could happen.
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