Today wasn't as emotionless as I hoped it would be. I was very depressed and angry for no reason at work. I was kicking boxes and punching shit to let it out. After a while, I felt better and that nothingness creeped in a little as if it felt uninvited, and I was letting it know that it's very wanted.
When I drove home, the nothingness was in complete control. I was in literal daze, and it was amazing. I was paying just enough attention to the road so that I didn't crash. My eye sight was a little blurry. I don't know if I was high or what, but I enjoyed it and didn't want the drive to end.
At home, I laid in bed all evening. I don't really know what I was doing. I wasn't doing anything, or thinking of anything.
Alex texted me and wanted to talk while I was still in bed, though. Something about being paranoid about things going wrong. She's right to feel that way, because nothing goes right for us.
I still don't know why she came to me, though. I'm pretty worthless to her. I was her boyfriend for a year, and only lasted as her best friend for what....a week? Plus, she apparently talked to Brian and someone else about it, too. So what'd she need me for?
I tried to be as comforting as I could, but after getting angry with me for taking an interest last time, I don't really know what to say. Not that I really had a chance to say anything, because she got off quick as fucking lightning. She comes to me when she needs something, and then leaves me hanging.
So that's it. That's why she keeps me around. I'm the new Tom; someone to bitch to without caring about what I have to say.
I guess I'm going to bed in pain tonight.
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