The opposite of dead inside.

I'm having a bad day. Do you know that feeling when you want to stop talking to someone forever, but you're too scared to, because you know they won't care?


All my life, I've been lost in being too focused on how high things can go even if it's lying on its side. I like to seek out the art in others, because then it's easier to feel like I don't owe anything. It's not a choice. It's the last time I'm going to go drenched, but when it finally happens is when I'll believe it then. 




I wish I had nothing inside of me, and I wish I had nothing in my life. I wish I didn't always feel like I have nothing, because it's a really painful feeling knowing I have things and people around me and not being able to feel like they care about me.

This is where my want of only wanting to be the only person in peoples lives comes from. It's like how I wish I was important to Alex, but I'm not.

I think my feelings are so strung up that I can't really tell what I'm feeling. One second, I feel an intense hatred and the next I'm trying to remember what I just felt. I've read about non-psychopathic people who go through life never feeling anything at all. I wish so bad I could be like that.