It hit me that while Alex is out there making new friends, I'm still stuck here in my room. I have no one to talk to except her every now and then. It just kind of makes me depressed.
I don't know how to meet people. Alex has the luxury of being good looking, and having guys just approach her. I'm not good looking at all, so how do I approach a girl? When I was in high school, I'd try to talk to a lot of people, but no one wanted to talk to me. It's no wonder I have a low self-esteem, and that I feel powerless about meeting people.
It keeps popping in my head, the image of her hanging out with what sounded like a guy with the ideal look she wants, and me just sitting around alone. I always had to struggle with being the loser in school, and even college. It seems unfair that I'll probably always be like this.
I think what drew me and Alex to each other was the fact that we were both losers. But Alex really isn't a loser. She had a lot of friends. She says she's gotten rid of most of them, but she still has way more friends than I've ever had. So she wasn't a loser, and it seemed like finding out that she isn't one and that I really am one...it feels lonely.
I used to talk a lot about how I deserve to be alone anyways, and that I'm better off alone. But I don't want to be alone anymore. I want to stop losing everyone to better people.
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