Nothing changes.

I'm not doing very well today. I don't know if I've been subconsciously holding things in, but it feels like I'm being eaten at. It feels kind of like I don't know what I'm doing anymore.

Last night, I was hurt a little when talking to Alex for the first time since we started talking. I was honestly trying to help her with this problem and when I made a suggestion as a way to genuinely help her, she shut me down. I guess she was joking, but it felt like there was no way in the world she'd want to accept my help or something.

I didn't want to tell her about it, though, because she has her own problems I guess, and I don't wanna hamper out relationship with my trivial problems.

I wished her well with being with Matt today. I think I'm sad because when they get serious, she won't have any more time for me and she'll just forget about me. I genuinely want her to be happy with someone, so I guess I'll have to let her go eventually. No one I ever loved stayed in my life, so it's only a matter of time.

I was going to ask her how everything's going, but I'm sure the last thing she wants is for me to be pestering her.

Apparently, I'm not really ready for her to be with someone else, anyways. She texted me saying they kissed, basically, and pain shot through me. I'm happy for her, but...I'm in so much pain. Someone I wanted to kiss so bad is kissing someone else, and forgetting everything about me. But as long as she's happy.

Work is okay. It's very tiring, and no one likes me. I keep asking for something to do but they don't give me any work, and then they seem to look down on me for doing nothing.

I've just never been good at being good enough. I was hoping I could make friends here, but every time I talk to someone, they just walk off. When they do talk to me, they have a very "whatever" attitude.

Towards the end of my shift, it got a little better. But, really, it's just like school all over again. I'm just hanging out by myself, and being alone.

Taylor didn't really talk to me, either. She kept saying she wanted to talk, but she was no where to be seen. I called her on my break, but she seemed annoyed. I don't know why people just seem to not like me.

I even brought it up to her and how it was bothering me, but all she would say is that she only wants me. That didn't answer anything I talked to her about. So I said "never mind then," she literally responded with "ok :)" I just don't know what to do.

I feel like I should just give up. I can try to change myself as much as I want, but people and my emotional reactions are always going to be the same.





There's a ghost of someone that's come crawling. Organizing a morbid train of thought. No
scattered ashes for the fire that's burning me up. 


A pain killer for an egotistical soul, and a knife for someone feeling bold. I have a 
thirsty mind for you, but no one will even give me a cup.


So I sleep on my stomach hoping to deny myself the existance of the things that like to
hurt me. Hiding my face from other faces that like to scratch at me with their smiles.
So here I am waiting, and you keep asking if there's anyone else that I'm dating.


What's your plan on fading? Losing me like shedding your snake skin. So if I'm still 
alive and in love, then what's the point if I can't bathe my sin. Am I a shenanigan?


The palms on your face are straightening, and the hair on my skin is curling. The 
feeling that I'm about to throw up; just another day after eating my fill of your 
disgust. Thinking about how I'm gonna give up, and rings that I wanted to put on your
finger. The needle to start a song, and slave to your every need. A drug that I pray
to your Jesus relieves me of my duty to die on your cross. 


Looks like a clear sky for the dead, and no angel with any tears to shed for my strings. 
I gotta lot to offer, and nothing to bring. A potential shot down by the holy words 
"I win." Losing a game of chance, and losing the chance to game. If I had to go to Vegas,
I'd come home in debt. You're mostly what I think about.