She doesn't, and never did care.

I was having a relatively decent day at work today. It wasn't too hard, and Alex and I talked some and got along somewhat. I was glad to be getting out at four today. I had twenty minutes left before I could leave, and then Alex....

I thought we were best friends. I'm not even a friend of hers. It felt like she knew I was going to be hurt when she strictly said "Because he's my best friend." I didn't even say anything, but she went on to say she's going to go see him in September.

I felt like she was trying to hurt me on purpose. What did I do to her? Did I try too hard to be there for her, and try to be her friend?

Well, she doesn't need me, and I don't need to keep pretending I mean anything to her. She has Brian to help her with being cheated on or whatever.

I was in a lot of pain. I drove home in a daze like I'd been knocked out and was just waking up. But then something happened. It was like my body knew what was happening, and it took the pain away. I was numb, and didn't feel anything anymore.

I got tears in my eyes a little, because I was so happy. I live every day knowing no one loves me, or cares about me including Alex. And then it was like my body took care of me as if it were another person.

I don't think I've ever driven like this. I was going 60 in a 40 zone, and it was amazing. I felt nothing. My eyesight was blurry, and all I could do was space out. I only realized how fast I was going when my phone went off and snapped me out of it.

I wanted to keep going. I wanted to drive off the road and let go.

Luckily, the nothingness hasn't completely worn off, but the feelings are slowly creeping in and it hurts. It's like something's ripping through a wound that's already scabbed over.

I don't have time or any feelings left to care about Alex's situation with Matt when she doesn't care about me.