I wish I didn't wake up.

I woke up in a lot of pain, and with a lot of hatred today, I don't know why. It's just my nature I guess. That's all I know how to do, so my body just does these things as if I enjoy it.

Maybe it's because I know I should've woke up in a girls bed today. I'm upset, because every time something good happens, it just explodes and does that much more damage to me. I want someone to be with, but I'm so sick and tired of trying.

I wish yesterday's nothingness followed me today. I was actually happy to feel nothing.

Now I just hate everything. I hate waking up and being alive another day. I hate my life. I hate how nothing good stays good for more than a couple of days. Why does my life have to be like this? It seems like everyone else is getting along great. Look at Alex. She has Matt and was at some party or something. Look at me. I'm still feverishly looking around the parking lot making sure Emily isn't at the place I'm eating at.

I'm just a fucking loser still trying to get over Emily, and Alex is doing something with her life. I have no idea why she talks to me at all.

But then look at people like Taylor. They act like they're completely and genuinely into you, and then when it ends, they don't give a shit. They just love on and keep enjoying life. How can people be so careless, and how can I be like that? Not care about anything.