Today was pretty nice. My computer parts came in, and I got to eat at Long Horns. Tomorrow, I'll be hanging out with Naqua putting my computer together, and then that night, I'll be playing everything to see how it runs (which will be at maxed settings.) Something I always do when mom isn't home is water her plants outside in which there are a lot, but it's really nice. I enjoy doing it, because it's so calming.
Yesterday, Alex really needed me. She was having a very bad day. I'm guessing her PMDD came in, and since she can't go to Brian about it, I'm her go to guy which I don't mind. I know she's worried about scaring Brian off. I think I really helped. She basically talked to me all day, and I did what I could for her. It made me think about the fact that she calls Brian her best friend, and I'm just a friend to her. It makes me think that I'm obviously more than a friend. I'm there for whenever she needs me and I'm the one that helps her with her PMDD even though we're not dating anymore. I'm definitely more than a friend to her, and I kind of thought maybe she just doesn't want to admit that for relationship reasons.
It really goes back to wanting her to acknowledge that I mean as much to her that she does to me, and she means a lot to me. We still take care of each other with particular subjects. She helped me yesterday, too. Some bitch had her period over letting me know what a faggot I am for the tattoo I want. I really didn't care about what she thought, but that didn't keep Alex from making sure I really felt that way. I was happy that she was so upset about it in the sense that she really cared about someone attacking me like that. So even if she doesn't say it, I know I'm more than just a friend for her.
Today, Ryn told me about how she might seriously start fucking guys for money, because she really needs it for college. She told me I'm her only friend she told this about, because she knew I wouldn't judge her, but still wanted to know what I'd think and if I'd still be her friend. I told her as a friend, that wouldn't make me stop being her friend. But if we dated, I'd obviously cared. She's willing to do this anyways knowing her boyfriend will probably break up with her. I didn't really know what to say. I think there are better alternatives, and told her so. I wouldn't want her to do that with a total creep and...I don't even know what could happen. Personally, I just think it's part of her being kind of sad for the last few days. The other day, she was kind of freaking out about the idea that no one will want to marry her. I was a lot better at helping her feel better about that.
I don't know. It just kind of feels like Alex and Ryn are the ones going through stuff and now I'm the helper. Although, I don't want them to be sad, I do really enjoy this role reversal. I just feel this sense of clarity, and it's so nice.
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