Still in pain.

I don't know how today was. It was quiet. I had a dull pain all day that's gotten worse as the day went. My chest hurts now, though. It's been hurting.

Alex wanted me to get on MSN to help her with something on Photoshop. I thought it'd be a good chance to make small talk since we were waiting for the PS file to transfer. I mentioned something, but she never said anything to it and she was untalkative for the most part anyways. She only had one thing on her mind. So after I was finished helping her, I asked if that was it and then got off. She obviously didn't want to talk which didn't help my chest pain.

At work, everyone teased me the whole time. I could take it for a while, but it eventually got to me and I became quiet. Everyone tried to tell me they're just messing with me, but eventually left me alone and I worked in silence and by myself for the next four hours. I eventually cut myself with the razor/box cutter I was using. They saw it, but I was able to convince them it was an accident.

I feel like dying. Getting pills from a doctor might be a mistake on their part.




One head is all I need when I feel like I'm living without my own. It's surprising how people begin to care when they hear about it from other people. But this box of prophecies don't even have the bulb to light ahead, because I took it off. It's all messy.


No match to point, and no point in smiling about being alive. It's a sure thing when none us are surprised. It's a bold move on to the streets when your brothers think you're an idiot. So make like the words to a good song, and make me not care. It's a cage of a life, and a boat that I wish I could abandon.


If you wanted help, you could at least pay me back in conversation. Put your guns away, because I'm not here to fight. There's no getting along with people that I'm only trying to understand. It's a monster of a task trying to do the best I can. If we can't dance in line and if these shoes are dying on you, a computer program is the last thing I'm going to worry about.


You can take me straight to hell, but I'll still raise my flag back up to Earth to let everyone know they were right. There's no place to cry for me, and there's no circle for my heart to jump through. There's no poor girl for me to hate not when I'm burning and praying to the sky. So give up, because this is all we have and it's obvious you want more from this silent show. 


I'm trying to enjoy my end and my words are only so deep. Deep enough to run through your veins, and to cut them is something I've been deeply considering. Somewhere, they're still playing at a welcoming committee, because a hospital is where I'm going to end up if I don't pull through.