After calming down from being rejected by Alex and Ryn, and finding out my job isn't in too much jeopardy (just gotta show them I can work harder), I feel a bit nicer. Every now and then, things get through and prick at me, but I think after accepting everything and not caring about them anymore, I'm better at handling crappy situations.
Alex keeps sending me random stuff, so I sent her a picture of Kalisto. She didn't say anything about it.
Instead, she talked about being at Matt's house; something I don't care about or want to hear about. I pretty much don't care about anything that has to do with her anymore. She can find another guy to care, because after calming down, I can easily see that I get hurt so much because I put so much of myself out there for everyone. I'm done caring about her and her problems, and I'm not gonna let her hurt me again.
I rediscovered The Wallflowers the other day. They were one of the bands I grew up listening to as a kid, and they were always one of my most favorites. Breach was one of the first albums I ever bought, and that was 6th grade. Listening to them has put me at ease.
I think I'm doing better. I've finally put myself in that situation where I don't try to get close to anyone, and I'm actually scared to really do so. I don't want a girlfriend or anything. I used to kind of pride myself in being that person that always puts themself out there no matter how much I got hurt, but all I needed was a huge push to really make myself snap out of it. I guess that push was caring more than anything to be there for Alex, and her rejecting me (because since when do you have to be dating someone to give a shit about them?).
Either way, I feel like I've really shut myself off, and it's nice.
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