"Hate You All"

I can feel a piercing in my eyes like I'm focused on something. I keep thinking about things I don't want to think about, and I keep caring about people I don't care about.

I don't feel the usual pain tonight. It's still in my chest, but it's sharper. I can see a smile in my head when I close my eyes. I can feel my heart hardening. It feels like a fist inside of me.

This isn't really a nice feeling. I'm not enjoying it, but it is better than what I used to feel. It is better than pretending that Alex cares about me, or that Ryn's my friend. It's kind of funny, because I could talk about how I feel nothing for them, but all I'm doing is writing about them. Hate is an obsession.

I cut myself at work again. It wasn't because I was depressed. It was because I wanted to hurt someone.

"I was thinking about you, and there was something I forgot to say."




If I'm not a sore that you want to burst and if I can only come up to show you my plague, then what do you want with this? Did you know you were all wrong before when you took me out to see ourselves? Did you know me at heart? Because this crack inside me is an occasion that we've been on.


Nobody likes you and nobody wants to be your friend. I'm a struggle to keep up with, and the fact that I'm still around as your friend of a friend lets me be your unfitted suit. You come and go as if you're waiting for the world to end. I'm a rule you like to bend, and I can only lift you up so many times before you become face I never enjoyed seeing.


I gave you my love on a platter, and you let everyone take away the pieces I trusted you with. A minimum wage job to let me enjoy my space from your truth and a whip that you like to crack at a moments notice is all I have anymore, and even then, you still like to pull away. If I can't keep my thoughts at bay, then I hope I can at least keep to myself and play it safe, because you're the sugar I'm done saving.


 If you're up laying up awake, the thing I'm asking you to do is to close the door, because I don't wanna pass by and let you take advantage of my hopeful attitude again. This doesn't mean anything, and I was just a way to pass the time. If I had a god, I'd pray that you