My friends.

Today wasn't really good. I was picked on all day at work, and then they kept telling me to man up when my feelings were hurt. I wanted to tell them that I'm not good at taking jokes. I wanted to tell them I grew up being bullied. But I kept quiet, and I kept to myself.

Normally, I could have told Alex about it and she would've made me feel better. But after last night, I don't see why she'd care about me or my problems. We didn't talk all day while I was at work which I was glad for. I was glad she wasn't talking to me. I didn't want to tell her about my problems anyways.

But then she had to go and send me a picture of her cat. I don't want to hear from her at all after last night. Facebook fucked up like always, and for some reason a picture I liked was unliked. At first I didn't give a shit, but I, of course, had to relike it just for her.

This is the important part; the part I want and need to remember. She didn't give a shit.

It also hurt my feelings that her Tumblr talked about having no one to text. Just one more thing that shows that I'm apparently no fucking good.

Ryn hasn't talked to me at all today. Last night, she told me she wished I had more friends, because she doesn't want me to hate and resent her if she can't be there for me because she's all I can count on. I told her if it really bothered her, she didn't have to talk to me at all anymore. She told me I really needed to work on my negativity. She was annoyed with me. She told me good night, and that if can work on that then I should text her today. I didn't text her today.

I can feel the hate inside of me. It's angry that I tried to be nice to Alex, that I gave Ryn any thought about texting her. It hates me, because I'm weak.