Mom had a talk with me tonight. At first it started off as just figuring out how to start paying off my loans. But somehow it turned into how I could be a better person.
She told me it hurts her to see how I act and how I push everyone away. She talked more about how I am, and she's pretty spot on. But I told her how I don't want anyone in my life, and I push them away on purpose. I talked about how after Evan and Emily, it left me broken and I don't want anyone. Why should I? If my best friend of 18 years could leave me, then what's the point?
I couldn't even maintain a simple friendship with Alex or Ryn.
Mom went on about how I just need to move on, and stop being so gloomy and focused on the negative. I don't know why, but I blurted out that I wish I was just dead, and she said that's just lazy.
This pissed me off, and I told her this is exactly the problem. No one cares about anything. I say I wish I was dead, and she can only call me lazy. She got pissed and asked me what do I want her to say, and I said she doesn't have to say anything.
No one wants to try and understand how I feel. I really do just wish I was dead. No one would care.
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