I live to help her.

So Alex is...pissed? Apparently, Brian wasn't so great. I had no idea he had "weekly crushes." I didn't know anything about him, except apparently, she's Alex's best friend. She told me about how he doesn't seem to like her anymore.

I really feel bad for her. Even I felt like he might be it, but now he just sounds like a douche. Alex wrote something about him, and said to "get fucked" (from Shaun of the Dead) which kind of made me smile. Well, I mean I just thought it was pretty good use of the gif. Either way, it seems like she's taking my advice to distance herself.

She asked if I'd leave her alone, and I did. I know she's upset, and I can't always make her feel better. After getting all of this out of her system, I'm sure she'll feel better tomorrow. Something I could count on was the fact that when I'm crazy upset, I'd at least feel less upset in the morning....even if I still felt somewhat upset.

There was only one thing that kind of hurt to read which was how he's taken care of her better than anyone. But then I think about how I really don't do anything for her. When we dated....I actually don't like to think about it, and now all I do is what? Give her retarded advice that I don't even know how to take.

Whatever, though. Brian seems like an ass now, and he obviously is if he won't even try to see Alex. At least I put a lot of effort into trying to do that much, and I'm so much farther away. I still feel like meeting someone in college will be Alex's best bet. No long distance, and all that. She'll make new friends; maybe even meet someone to help her with her problems and then she won't need me.

I kind of think our relationship is pretty much me waiting for her not to need me anymore. But then I try to think about how I have Ryn now and we hang out, and I still go to Alex a lot. I guess it's really a matter of the fact that we both know each other so well. I seem to be a little better at countering negative thinking with something positive. Or at least something to counter my twisted way of thinking.

I just have to remember that, yeah, maybe I was a shitty boyfriend and Brian was a lot better to her and took care of her, but I'm still the one she comes to with her problems. I just have to keep remembering things like that to know that our relationship is important to her even if she doesn't say it.