Nothing's worth fighting for.

I guess my streak of whatever you wanna call it is over. Since this morning, my darkness has been trying to creep back in and I've been trying hard to keep it back. Certain things have happened today, I guess, that helped its cause to curl back inside of me.

I'm depressed. My chest is really killing me. I had to lay down for a little while, and stare off into space to calm down. I feel so angry, and hateful. I just want to hurt everyone.

I've thought about the idea of trying to continue fighting back, but it's so hard once I get back to the idea that no one cares about me. It's really hard to feel like fighting is worth trying, and then, even if I win, it doesn't feel like it's worth it. I just don't see my self worth.

I try to tell myself people care about me and that they need me, and sometimes, I can really convince myself that they really do. But I gotta be honest with myself. There's no one that truly cares about how I feel. There's no one that's ever gonna need "Matt" to come for them.

I just want to curl up, and be alone forever




Well, here I am. I'm older, and no more sane than I ever was. I don't know what I'm shouting about, and how I ever felt her, an answer's searching for me. Oh, man, am I gonna be this way much longer? My endurance gave out to all the good ways of making an entrance.


I've won the advice you preach. Any day, when I think about it, no body else claims what I used to be. Go teach yourself to consume me. Every speech that could drown me, and every song that you can tune to me is a way to feel like the silk I wish you wore on special nights. I have borrowed the sparkle in others eyes a few times. I could go off somewhere in someone else's skin, and remember the way it feels when a calming wind blows my way.


On this morning, all my fingers were rocking. I was holding some diamonds I'd stolen. I used to dream of coming through your window, hoping to get off the frozen ground. I'm going to need a walker if if your trunk can't handle everything I'm dropping off which isn't a lot these days as I tend to fade off sometimes. It could be the weekends, but I'm so excited by the way you talk to me and I can't really wait that long. 


I try not to wander, but I feel so compelled to.