Anticipation.

After work, I sat in my car in the parking lot for a while. I really did not want to go home. I eventually went through the drive through at McDonald's, and ate in the parking lot there. It took me a little over an hour to go home after getting off of work. Just sitting here makes me so depressed. I'm left here alone with my thoughts.

When I'm sitting in my car doing nothing, I'm so calm. My thoughts are there, but it doesn't feel as dreadful. I thought about how when I'm depressed, I used to try thinking about the fact that everyone feels this way. Everyone goes through life depressed, and it's not just me. But thinking about it that way just makes me feel sad. If everyone feels this way, why aren't we more eager to be nicer to people or give out a hand? It's sad that everyone can be depressed, and still not care about anything but themselves.

I also thought about how when I was trying to meet someone why was it so hard? But then I thought that maybe that was normal. When Emily and I started dating, it was so easy for us. We already knew each other for about a year, before we started seeing each other and before I asked her out. We saw each other all the time at school and even shared a locker, and we hung out at each others houses five days a week. Our relationship was extremely easy, and that's why it flourished.

With Alex, I can't even remember how we kept talking to each other, because we fought so much early on before changing ourselves for each other. We didn't know each other at all. I wish I knew why and how we ended up together, because it doesn't work with anyone else.

It feels like something's going to happen pretty soon. This whole week has been depressing, and I just have a feeling next week, something is going to happen. Maybe it's just wishful thinking. Maybe it's the fact that I got on Skype for the first time in a long time, and Ryn was on there and we had the briefest conversation in the world. I hope something nice will happen next week, because I don't like how everything has been lately.