Never mind. Doesn't look like I'll be kicked out. Happy birthday present for me.

I had all kinds of scenario's play out in my head, though. Dora offered to let me stay at her place, but there's no way in fucking hell I'm living at someone else's parents house.  I, of course, explained it in a nicer manner to her. Alex said I could stay at her place. I actually thought it'd be cool. I mean we always did wanna see each other. But ultimately, I thought about just driving to Seattle, and starting everything over. Then I thought about kidnapping Alex, and taking her to Seattle, too. I think she'd appreciate it.

Anyways, lately, everything has been different for me. Dora seems to be moving fast, and I'm not really digging it. In fact, when she was over here for two days, I actually started to feel like how I'd feel when a friend came over to my apartment after they'd been there a while. I felt like I wanted her to leave, so I could be alone.

Not that she was a crappy person to hang out with, I just can't stand people's company for too long. There is the other problem where I started to feel like I didn't want to be with her anymore. I thought, at first, that it was my darkness. But it's just my own asshole-ness.

I think after Alex, I just don't know feel it anymore. Alex and I had the kind of relationship I want, and now it's hard to settle for something that isn't that. We were cute together and acted like kids. Dora is "all grown up," doesn't go for my jokes, and smokes a pack of cigs a day. I thought I could get over that, but it sucks breathing that shit. I told her how I used to be really big into straight edge and that I still was, I just didn't wear it on my sleeves. That's a lame concept to her. So, yeah. It's hard to like this girl too much after Alex.

This isn't to say Dora is horrible. She's cool, and she's really nice. I'm just really really bad at this. I've been acting like I know exactly what I want, and when I get it, I just want to back the fuck out. I don't know what I'm going to do. I'll just ride it out, and see what happens. I just feel like everything's gotten serious all of a sudden, and now it's too late to just say "hey, this isn't working out."

I'll admit, I kind of missed my dynamic with Alex this morning. But work dissolved that pretty quickly. Work was super busy for a while there, but it looks like it'll be calming down finally.

Yesterday, I picked up Rage. A game that I've been waiting for a long time. Even Alex thought it looked cool. I really am talking a lot about her a lot tonight (someone I've only talked to like three times in the last month). The opening song for Rage was really awesome. Doom 3 had dumb metal music, but this....this is good.