I talked to Chris about going to PAX next year. It looks like we may go and if he doesn't, then I'll just go by myself. I think I'll enjoy myself more that way anyways. But either way, I told mom I'm going to start saving up, and she said that'd be a good way to see if I'll like Seattle. I can get brochures for apartments and check out the job market.

I don't want to get ahead of myself, but I really hope it all works out. I want to get out of here, and start somewhere new where I can forget about everything and everyone I know.

To get ready, I'm just going to start figuring out how much I'll need to save up to make the trip. I need a plane ticket, hotel room, food, money to buy stuff, PAX pass. I'm going to ask my HR rep about if it's possible to transfer to another Sears in Seattle or the surrounding area. I definitely won't keep that job as it pays almost nothing. I think it's going to be tough, but I've never wanted something so bad.

I want this more than I wanted to stay with Emily or Alex. Or trying to stay friends with Alex.

I told Alex I'm deleting her phone number (which is done). She didn't even care which furthers my need to be rid of her, and stop pretending she does care. I said bye, and she said "Really?" I'm not going to say anything, because she'll just drag me back into her web and....this sucks. But it needs to be done.

I figure I'll keep this blog public for a little longer, and let her read this before it goes private for good.

Shoe was going to visit today, but ended up being busy. I guess today isn't going to be the nice Saturday I imagined. I guess after having a relatively nice day yesterday, I don't mind this so much. Or at least, I might as well just be glad for yesterday and start getting ready for the incoming wealth of depression that may or may not hit me.

Maybe the nothingness will help me again to feel nothing like it did with Dora and Allison. If not, then that'd be normal. I should be sad to be getting rid of someone I care about. But I'll go to Seattle and it'll be like it never happened.