I had to go to a funeral today. That was unfun. I don't like them, and I don't like being around other people while they're grieving. I got to see Jason at least. He'll be coming over Thursday night for dinner, and then I guess he's going back to New York on Friday.

I tried to talk to Alex today, too. I thought maybe we'd get along. I was kind of hoping we would. After a funeral, it's nice to have someone to talk to, right? But what I got instead was a lecture on her view on being straight edge, and I had to defend that just because I don't care about flaunting my views doesn't make me less "edge."

I don't consider myself straight edge. I just consider myself as someone who chooses to not do drugs or drink. I don't feel a need to connect to that crowd, because I'm not as like minded as them. Or maybe I am, and I just don't care. Either way, I'm apparently not "edge" enough to sport an X tattoo even if I really wanted one.

This isn't really the issue anyways. The issue is that I shouldn't talk to anyone. I shouldn't pretend I'm friends with anyone. I'm alone, and that's how I'm meant to be. Alex claims to care about me, and I believe her. But it shouldn't make me feel like I can talk to her, because I can't. I shouldn't have explained that I was getting kicked out the house, because it shouldn't matter to me that she knows. I shouldn't send her funny pictures explaining that's what her period looks like, because I shouldn't care if she thinks it's funny.

This goes for everyone. Yes, I mention Alex, because at one point, she was the most important person in my life....she was important at all I should say..., but it really applies for everyone. It's unsafe for me to connect, and it's unsafe for others to try and connect to me.

While Dora did drugs, she was still nice and she didn't deserve to be thrown away by me.

I went to a funeral, had a stupid conversation with someone I shouldn't ever talk to, and I listened to Deadmau5e. It's still raining. This is a better day than most.