I saw a thread on the 64ums called "Feeling like you want to die." It was a neat thread where everyone talked seriously about feeling like that, and how they deal with it. While, I haven't been signed into the place in half a year, I still remember everyone and enjoyed seeing how they handle it. I liked seeing that I really am not alone in feeling that. It's a completely human thing, and everyone deals it; even people you think are probably never sad.

It made me think about how I've taken the initiative to find my own happiness, and to be okay alone. What I've found out is that the things I do, like enjoying video games, web comics, etc., are all survival mechanisms. They're a way for me to cope with everything.

The problem with that is that it makes me feel like I'm only ever going to be coping with everything when I could really learn to be happier. I've read and heard so many things about people being so much better off on anti-depressants, and it really makes me want to try them one day. I'm sure I will eventually. Maybe I could be happier, because I kind of feel like we're not meant to be happy. We just live, and then we die. I think that I'm more scared of that than actually dying.

Tonight, after work, I drove and I was in a really relaxed and calm mood. That mood that I always wish I was in. I was listening to The Dear Hunter. I really like them, and it sucked because I can't listen to them without thinking about Alex. Luckily, it didn't put a damper on my mood too much, and I was able to stay in a relatively nice frame of mind.