It feels like I'm not in control of anything I do. Or the lack of what I do. It's summer, and if there was one thing I wish I could do, it'd be to drive up to Ohio and be with my girlfriend, Alex. My best friend is doing that in Montana with his girlfriend. An online friend of mine is doing that, as well. Everyone's doing what they want to do, and I'm still letting my mom, of all people, control me.
Maybe, I don't have a lot of money, which is only partially true. I have a lot of money in my savings that I haven't touched, so I can use it to pay my loans back. But I just need to use it for something. I'm 22, and I feel like I'm 12. I'm extremely eager to start my life, and get out of this place. But I can't get a job to save my life.
I've been looking for a job since January, and it's in the later half of June now. It's really taking a toll on me to sit around at moms house doing nothing all day. It's taking a bigger toll on me listening to her lecture me all the time. I think she thinks I'm enjoying myself here; that this is what I want.
What I want to do is to go to Seattle. My girlfriend wants to go there, too. But she starts college this year. I can't wait for her to finish school. I did this with my ex, of four years, and look at how it ended. I'm broken, because of it. I don't want to wait on my current girlfriend, but I don't want to be alone, either. I guess all I can really do is wait it out, and see what happens. Maybe my life will start soon enough, and I can go visit her finally. She is supposed to come down in September to go to a convention with me, but it's looking less and less certain that it'll happen.
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