Lack of importance.

It seems like everything and everyone is out to get me. I feel like this, because everything hurts. Everything someone does to me has the potential to prick at me; even when it was meant to be a nice thing.

The thing is is that I'm not important enough to have anything nice be done to me, so how can I take anything as a nice gesture. All I can do is think about how they did it to hurt me and wonder why they're out to do so. Someone showed me a picture today, but all I could think about was how I wasn't important enough to have the event be shared with me. I was reduced the quality of a few shitty friends, and got to see a picture.

Am I just selfish? Is it wrong to want something special every now and then? For me, it feels like it's wrong. It's wrong of me to think anyone cares enough to give me something special. It pricks at me, and makes my chest hurt to think about how lowly everyone must feel about me. Which is funny, because they have to be thinking about me in the first place to think lowly of me.

So which is it? Am I lowly or am I nothing?

I guess I rather not be thought of at all. Every time I go anywhere, I'm paranoid about running into someone I know. Because that would suck. I don't want anyone to know me, and I especially don't want anyone to come up to me to say hi.