Confused and lost.

I don't know what to do. All I wanted was for things to be nice.

I've been sitting here all night desperately hoping she'll text me or something. It shouldn't be like this. I'm supposed to be her boyfriend, and now I'm on her list of people who aren't allowed to know what she's up to or talk to her or anything. I just don't understand this.

Everything's fucked up. I want my girlfriend back. I know I'm hard to deal with, but it's not like she wasn't either. I did the best I could, and I gave her a million second chances. Where's my second chance? Where's the compassion for me that I showed her? Why am I all of a sudden so hated by her?

Everyone I know goes away in the end, and I honestly thought she was the exception. I thought she was gonna be the one to stay.

I always believed I deserved nothing good, but that didn't keep me from wishing I could have something good. She was that good thing that was keeping me from breaking apart. And now that I've broken apart (again), I don't think I have the hope and will to fix myself again. It's the same story every time. "I'll love you forever (until it's inconvient)."

Sigh.....Who knew all I needed to get over Emily was to have another and better girlfriend break my heart. Alex is gonna be the one I'll always wonder what could've been. We could've been perfect in person, and that's why I stood by her the whole time even though everything was shitty so much. I was taking all the crap, because I knew that it was, one day, gonna be worth it.

Everything's been taken away. Nothing's right.