Alone.

My girlfriend broke up with me tonight.

I don't really know what to say. I'm hurt. I sat on my couch and looked at my feet for a good thirty minutes, and then the pain was bad enough to make me get up and distract myself. So here I am.

Instead of dwelling, I could think about the positives. I can flirt with other girls.

I guess that's it. I'm still the sad person I was before, except I'm more sad now. People enter your lives, and then they leave. It's like they were never there before.

I think the worst part is that I can't even cut myself anymore, because it's not as satisfying anymore. Especially because, since moving back home, I can only cut where no one can see and that just doesn't do anything for me. I have an itch to really fuck my arms up, but I really don't want to deal with anyone's opinions about it.

So, this is it. I'll sit for the rest of the night, and dwell in my pain. I'll really focus on where it hurts till I'm crippled. It's like every other night, except now I'm truly alone. At least before, I had a girlfriend that was willing to help me if I really needed it even when things were bad.

The last few days, while things were bad, I was thinking a lot about how she was going to come down for a convention and we'd be together for a few days. It's funny how I'm thinking about things to keep the relationship going, then everything's done.

I shouldn't be surprised. I'm a mess, and no one can clean up the one I leave behind myself. I didn't deserve her, and she deserved better.

So good bye.