I've been having a really bad time at staying content in the sense that I had been pretty content mostly 100% of the time before. Now, I'm just bothered all the time. I'm literally haunted by thoughts of Alex, and I'm always worried something bad is about to happen.

A few nights ago, I made the mistake of looking at Alex's Tumblr, and it fucked me pretty hard. I have to deal with reopening that wound, but when I say I've learned from my mistakes for good, I hope I can really keep myself away from her from now on. This is the second time I've looked at it, and came away in a worse condition.

The other day, I dropped a range at work, and I became paranoid that it was broken and that I'd be in trouble. The range finally went out yesterday, so there must have been no problems with it. But even still, I've kept having this shitty feeling that something bad is going to happen. Every time nothing happens, I expect the feeling to have disappeared, but I'm having the crappiest time shaking it away.

This really sucks, because I haven't even been that excited about this Monday and Tuesday. I mean, it's been nice to watch my shows, get my books and game. But I'm not overwhelmingly excited like I usually get. It kind of upsets me that this girl, whom I've grown to really scorn, is still controlling the way feel from day to day. I'm still trying really hard to get over her, and to move on. It's just been so hard.