I wrote a lot this month. Most people probably wouldn't consider five posts in a month to be many, but it's been a busy couple of months for me mentally and emotionally. I think after I kind of "saw the truth," I can just lay back down and look at the ceiling so to speak.

I was talking to this friend a little, an artist whom I admire, and we really talked for just a little bit. It felt like it'd be a thing, but then she stopped replying. I swear I will never understand how or why people do that, just act like friends for a moment and then disappear. I suppose I can see why someone would do that, but not in this case.

I think right now I'm in between phases, in limbo. These are the best times for me. I'm mellow, and go day to day. It's a little bit of a blur, but I don't know really. I think my next phase is going to be a quiet one again. I tend to do that every now and again, and everyone at work bothers me about "What's wrong?" It's nice, though. I think I can tell because of how my mood's been lately, and the fact that I've been listening to a lot of post rock. Although, now, I'm listening to a Deathcab song on Alex's Tumblr. I'd thank her for playing something from their only good album, but who cares.

That was a very pretentious thing to say. That's something I'd have said in high school.

Nothing else has really been going on. Since the whole thing with Alex, I actually reached out to what I consider some real friends of mine. Andrew from Sears calls me most nights, and we just talk shit. It's cool, because I grew up actually talking on the phone before texting was a real thing and I forgot how much nicer that is. Then there's Chris who I went to college with. I don't get to see him anymore, but we talk online a lot.  On the 360, I talk to Tim and play games with him and some other guys. It's hard to believe, but I kind of have a social life. Weird.

I have noticed the last couple years, that the holidays are just not a good time for me. It's so cliche, but it's true. I get really depressed. But after that, I tend to feel better. I can see it happening now. December was a very crappy month. As much as it's bit me in the ass to have brought Alex back into my life, she did kind of raise my spirits for a bit there, so I'm thankful. And I shouldn't say it bit me in the ass. She didn't really do anything so much as my mind can't cope when it comes to her. In the end, I ended up running away again.

I can't say I feel differently about girls, though. I seriously lay in bed sometimes and realize the things that happen when I'm in a relationship. I become jaded. I have really bad trust issues. So, what's the point in dating? What's the point in rekindling friendships with people you don't feel comfortable with?

I admit I've become good at cutting the fat out of my life, and realizing when it needs to be done. My mom calls me a pessimist, but I see it as being realistic.