I can only suppose this is it. It's a sixth sense. You don't have to be told when something is over. It is nice to be reminded when things have long been dead, though.

I can't converse with Alex anymore, or I can't figure out the right things to say. That was probably the warning sign that I even have to weigh the pro's and con's of what I'm going to say to a person. It goes to show when I can't keep up a conversation. I can't answer anything thoroughly, nor can I feel normal about reading her messages.

I feel so lame and annoying, and generally unliked sometimes. I know better, I really do, but I can't help how I react to these situations. And I really do mean unliked. I feel like like a second rate citizen, and worse yet, I feel like I have to initiate things.

That was the second warning sign. I've done well by keeping everyone at arms length. It's allowed me to have some sort of friendship with people, and it's kept me from becoming attached. With Alex, there's bound to be leftover and useless emotions, and she just doesn't fall under my new regime. I can't help but become attached in a way that doesn't allow to enjoy myself.

Honestly, I was doing well for a while there. But I think the pressure was on, and I had to become the perfect and specific friend she needed, the one that was there when she needed me and not around when it was inconvenient. It's hard to perform under those conditions, and not feel stepped on.

It really sucks. In fact, I came into this post feeling as if I didn't care. I felt like it was necessary and that I'd just move on like with everything else. But I feel sad.