I'm just sitting here and I was looking at a picture of Emily, and all I want to do is cry. I really try to act like everything's fine, and that I've moved on, but I feel so alone and that I'm never going to be happy.

I was thinking of her earlier, because of Christmas. She has this picture of her with her boyfriend in front of a Christmas tree from last year, and now she's going to be in town soon for the break and I just think about them taking a new picture this year. I think about how she must be happy, and how I've been left behind by everyone.

It really hurts when you realize that you're always going to be alone, and that it's always going to hurt. There's no one around that I really like and I want to like them and make friends, but I'm so hardened by years of depression and being lonely that I don't even know where to begin. I would never be able to trust anyone enough to open myself up.

I think about that, and I think about how Emily has someone new who's probably much better than I am.

I was reading through the posts from December of last year, and they are all literally the same as this. Will I ever move on?