My friend keeps being an asshole to me every time we play a game online together, so I think I'm just not going to play with him for a while. It's one of those stressful and co-op type of games, so I'm trying to make sure we're doing what we're supposed to do to make everything run smoothly. But he always has to be dick about it like "yo stop whining like a faggot"

So, yeah. Some friend.

I've been wishing people read my blog. I wish I had a fan, or someone who cared and could emphasize with me. I know no one reads this, though, and I know no one cares about my problems or anyone else's. I try to be a friend to others and be there for them, and I know I put up a wall and don't really let people know if I'm down. But I guess if someone was reading this, I wouldn't be able to put up a wall.

I'd just like to meet somebody who's not an asshole for once. It seems like everyone I meet becomes an asshole, and they're rude and just apathetic toward how they treat others. It leaves me remembering that I'm a compassionate person. I'm not the cold hearted person I tried to be, or wanted to be.

When I was younger, I used to not let it get me down. I was determined to stay above all the hatred, and I guess I'm trying to get above it again and just try to be a good person. I just wish I had someone to help me for once. I'm done trying to do everything alone. Or at least I'd like to be.

I guess if you're reading this, don't be a stranger.

You had it all, the hitmans strong armed shore. You're looking down and your heart is bleeding out the corn I picked up from our fight. You're going to bleed once you're back again, and I'm going let you leave to go back to go inside out of your kin's safe bed tonight. 

If you have a reason to fight; I know you're strong, you can chase em. When you lay down tonight, I know the thnig's you're saying; the things you'd know if you let them come in at night. You let them down, and it's beating colder to your delusional sense of giving. 

You're not going to live in Mexico, because there's no cure for our old faithful.  You're bleeding through my reason to fight and I know I'm not patient. I could lay down to die tonight, and know that there's no answers. 

Well, here it goes again. The dark times are coming.

Zack was not approved to transfer here, so there goes getting an apartment. He is being transferred to Italy. That's pretty cool, honestly. I wish I could just move to Europe. I am going to be stuck here.

Amazon is hiring 5,000 warehouse workers. I applied to their Delaware and Pennsylvania locations. I'll apply to more locations later. I figure I got two years of experience so who knows. But with the way things are going, nothing's going to come of it.

No one talks to me, and nothing's going right. I'm just going to be stuck in the town where I was born with a useless degree working for minimum wage living with my mom.

At least before, when I had to get through the tough times, it was based on something trivial or passive in a sense. It didn't really matter. I was just sad and waiting. But now everything is real. The darkness is real, and it's telling me this is it. This is as far as I go, and I'm going in alone.

When you're a kid, the adults paint this big, beautiful world for us and if we do the right things, things are going to be good for us.

I should really take up drinking.

I tried to fly, you know, and when I came in to land, is it safe? Am I going to stake this fifty dollar bill? There's a boy in my house, and he's playing on the couch. Where is it? The missing case figuring in on my reel.

There comes  a second man in my moms illicit majesty  Who would care if you do it when there's a doll to lose? How is this so surreal? 

Are you in your mask? What happens when we lose time? What's in your life? We were having fun at twelve o'clock. 

They'll be gone tonight when we're standing on the sky in our avenue. Are we at least living like beasts for a fifty dollar bill? Because there's an angry mob here for my wig. 

I kind of feel like I'm in the back seat of things. You know when you're in a car with some friends, and the other two are up front talking and it's hard to really have any attention given your way because you're in the back. Maybe they'll look back and ask if I'm alright, but then they go back to their own thing and leave you alone. And I really do feel alone. I feel like the guy everyone comes to with their problems.

It's been a while since anyone asked how I've been. I guess I've become unapproachable by acting like everything's okay. In a way, everything is okay I suppose. But I'm tired of being alone, and I want someone to talk to or someone that cares about how I've been. Yeah, I got my friends but they're just friends. I miss connecting on a deeper level.

Some stupid girl keeps whining to me about her ex messing with her, and I mean, I'm not going to just say whatever. I like to help others feel better, but it makes me feel worse when they do and then just go on about their day. It's like, you know...that's all I'm good to talk about?

Yeah, people are selfish and I did the whole selfish thing for a while. But lately, I'm back to my old self and I'm tired of hating everything. I guess the price for doing so is remembering the pain in everything. I just want to be important to someone.

I found out Alex has an STD and something else. She got a biopsy, and I became really worried. I realized I'd go mental if she were to not exist anymore. But I think everything will be fine.