About two years ago, I met a girl whom I really liked. We got along right off the bat and talking was easy. We would have dated, I think, but she decided not to for superficial reasons. It sucked at the time, but ultimately, I was over it in a day. Really, though, I always did think we would have been good for each other.

We ran into each other tonight, and it was like "Oh, hello!" There was no bad blood, and we chatted with each other a little. When she said bye, I didn't want to say anything as in I didn't feel like it. I guess I didn't care.

When we were talking, I kept thinking, the old me would be excited at another chance. Maybe she'd gotten over her superficial reasons, and we'd be together. But honestly, I just kept thinking "I really don't feel like dating anyone." In fact, I really wasn't into talking to her all that much? It was fun, and it was okay. I got in a weird mind set where I felt like I was being challenged? I'm not sure how to put it.

All in all, I really just have no romantic interest in anyone.

I've begun realizing what I want. Maybe getting older has to do with it. I'm a stew that's been sitting for a while waiting for the herbs to mix in, and they've mixed. I don't want you. But who is you? I can't really say. I'm speaking in a future tense, and I know that when I meet someone, I won't want them.

It's really clear now that I don't want to be with anyone. Some may say it's because I was hurt so much in past relationships and that I'm giving up, and that's okay with me. Even if I meet someone, it won't last, right? I can say with all the certainty in the world that nothing last. 

Alex (the brother) and I reconciled. We get along. We don't talk much, and I find it appropriate. I think we don't need much interaction, and we'll get along in the future as well. 

My last two childhood friends, Stefan and Chris, don't talk to me anymore. That was a slow death that I saw coming. I tried to prevent it, but they do not care for my friendship. I don't think they dislike me. I simply do not fit into the fold anymore. It sucks, I'll admit, but I don't need them. For the longest time, Chris did not seem interested in talking anyways and I was able to get an early start and getting over him.

I don't even really care about talking to Alex (the internet friend) anymore. I used to get nervous at the idea of talking to her, because I was worried she didn't want to talk. I used to look forward to hearing from her. And it's not that I don't want to talk to her or that I don't like her, but I don't feel any kind of binding to her in which I wanted her around.

Don't get me wrong; I'm not sad. In fact, I've been doing very well lately. I've been extremely content. It helped to learn more about myself. I was so stuck on what I thought I needed and wanted. I needed a girlfriend, someone to be there for me. I needed my old friends to stick around. It turns out that I don't even prefer to have them around, and I really am against dating anyone. I don't even care about hooking up with a girl like I do sometimes. It's true that I was with a girl last month, yeah, but I was so glad when she left. And then there was the girl from the month before that....but I seriously spent more time playing with her kitten more than I did doing anything with her. And I was happy to leave. In fact, I left a lot earlier than planned.

I enjoy my own company, and just want to be left alone. Why woukd I want to be around all these...people?

Last month, I went to AWA with Lennon. We had an extremely good time. My birthday was earlier this month, and I really can't remember having such a nice birthday. In particular, this whole month has been very nice. My boss was giving me a really hard time for while, and still is a little, but he's all bark. I've gotten better at ignoring him. I'm probably jinxing it by writing about it, but hey, I gotta write about something good sometimes.