It’s been a hell of a year. 2020. Last year was amazing. Monica and I were so happy. I was financially doing great, and doing all kinds of things I could never afford to do. We had plans for this year, and it was going to be even better. The beginning was nice. I traveled around the state for work, Monica and I were making plans for the year, and things were nice. 

I remember the subtle dread setting in very clearly. In late December the world was hearing about some kind of virus in China, but it was Christmas and no one cared. In January and February, we kept hearing more and more, but we all figured it was going to be the next Swine Flu and nothing major would happen. But then in March, COVID-19 hit the US and the rest of the world pretty hard and fast. 

The world went on a month long quarantine. Monica, Tim and I brought a lot of groceries. Luckily we all had toilet paper, because it was the first thing to disappear off of the shelves. It was really scary and our mental health took a nose dive, but we got through it. Monica and I had the best time we could trying to do what we could. 

But that was March. It’s the middle of October now, and lots of people are still working from home. The economy is down the drain, and the election is in a month. It’s been a nerve wracking time to say the least. Writing about it honestly makes me feel like I’m living in the post apocalypse, and I’m writing about what life used to be like. Well life used to be amazing. 

I had my second COVID test today. I still go to work and honestly I can’t complain, because so many people are out of work. The negative side to it is that I’m more susceptible to getting infected. Half of our workplace is in quarantine right now waiting to hear their results. I won’t get mine for another three days. 

Like I said, this is my second time going through this personally. The first time it happened, I wasn’t very worried. It was only one person in the office. But this time, I’m terrified. It affects people differently. Some people get flu like symptoms, some people get nothing but are still contagious, and some people just go comatose and die. 

Right now, my emotions are turned off. I feel like a shell. If you know me, obviously my anxiety has decided the comatose and die option is the most likely option. Monica has been trying to make me smile. It works, but even I could hear her almost start to cry when she told me she loved me like it was the last time she’d get to say it. Tim tries to act goofy and like it’s all fine. Honestly it might all be fine, but who knows. 

What can I say. 2020 has been a trying year, and I’ve only talked about the pandemic. I haven’t mentioned the presidential corruption, the all time high racial tensions, the protests. The pandemic looks to continue through 2021, so I can only hope things get better. Honestly I just hope I’m still around. I still have so many things I want to do with Monica.