I had decided to step back out of my shell, and try to meet a girl. Surprisingly and unsurprisingly, it didn't work out. I guess I just somehow thought that for once, something other than the usual would happen. And when I say the usual, I really mean the usual.

    I find a girl who's really cool and we get along. For a few days, everything's cool and then my rejection issues start to cause a stir in my head. And then she disappears literally, as in we're getting along and then I just don't hear from her again.

    The problem is did I do something wrong? I'd like to be more confident in myself and say that maybe she did like me, but things were going on in her life and she felt too bad to tell me. Or maybe I just fucked up.

    The lesson I'm learning (again) is that.....actually is there really anything to learn here? I just know that I stepped out from under my rock, and I got stepped on again. If anything, I have that one more notch on my belt as proof to myself that there's no point.

    I really don't want to sound completely bummed out. Yeah, it sucks, but tomorrow, I'll be fine and it'll be whatever.

    Well, hey. We're halfway through the year and I've only posted three times. So let's get started.

    Hmm....

    You know when you meet someone and they're clearly full of themselves, and you think they should probably take it down a notch. I think I'm like that, but really, I think maybe we're all like that in a way. So I think is it bad to be...no, this isn't something I really feel like talking about.

    Alex Wood and I do not talk anymore again. But nothing happened. I think something happened with him and he stopped caring and/or trying. Luckily, he does these things in a way that annoys me so I don't have to care either way. I used to be like "hey, check this out" to let him know I was still his friend but I stopped this time. And yes, there have been times when I wanted to include him in something but I tell myself "Would he really care or appreciate it?" We could be friends sometimes, but I'll never not think he's devoid of empathy.

    Alex Welch and I do not talk, either. Uh...well, there's not much to say. I guess I actively stopped talking to her anyways, because in the back of my head, I always thought I was still important, but I figured out that I was only good for listening to her problems or helping her with computer junk. And let me tell you, she seems to drop you pretty quickly when you don't do the one thing she uses you for. I'm not putting her down, I'm the same way, but it doesn't mean I'll be used, either. I did try to be friendly a few times, but she seemed to have no time for that. I thought about just deleting her off Tumblr, because it's not like I care about her content, but I don't know. I'm always curious.

    I took Lennon to see three movies this month. Oh, my god. It's a good thing I got three paychecks this month. All three movies were awesome, and I had a good time. We do this thing before a movie starts where we get super excited and "power up" like Dragon Ball Z characters....ha. I also took him to Momocon. I spent a lot of money this month. I'm not complaining, though, believe me.  I really enjoy being a good big brother. I think I'm really good at it. I can tell mom really appreciates me including him all the time, since my other brothers and I never had good relationships with each other.

    Tim and I have had this weird tension for a little while. I'm getting to that point where I'm kind of a dick. But the thing I like about Tim is that he can take it. He's like my little punching bag, and I think he gets off on it? I honestly don't see what he sees in me, but hey, whatever works. There hasn't been a tension with Shoe, but I haven't really let him know there is any. I don't know why. Normally, I don't care. He's really kind of been annoying me lately, though, but in weird ways that would sound ridiculous if I told him. So I'm just letting it ride out.

    I've been pretty close to getting a new job lately. I want it but I don't. I get a way bigger paycheck, but it means working outside, the one thing I didn't want to do when I grew up. Plus, dad is helping me get it and I don't want to owe him anything. I don't want anything to do with him and Cathie for the most part and this put them right in my life. Hopefully, when I get this job, I can get my own place someday and just kick them right out my life. I don't want to not have Mel in my life, but I don't think she cares anyways. To her, I'm just the ungrateful black sheep I'm sure. Who knows what Cathie feeds her.

    But hey, life has been alright like usual. I really can't complain.