I had an evening on Saturday where I was at the gym, and watching TikTok. There was a video of some pharmaceutical rep at a Congressional hearing just smirking about the fact that they control these crazy prices and the government can’t do anything. It made me so upset. I thought how am I supposed to live in this world with people like this. The companies are corrupt, the government is corrupt, and we’re all just along for the ride. 

I’ve come a long way I think in letting things go. I really took a liking to Buddhism in my search to become mentally healthy. I’ve really enjoyed what I’ve learned from it and applying it to my life, but that brings me back to the TikTok video. I talked to a friend of mine about my feelings on it and he reminded me there’s nothing I can do about it and we’re all just animals in nature. It sounds a little nihilistic, but it helped. There’s nothing I can do except try to get into government? But that’s not realistic at all. The best thing I can do is just let it go. 

What good does being upset about it do? Do I spend my life being upset about nothing I can do? Or feel guilty for letting it go and moving on with my life? It’s Monday now and I’ve still be thinking about it because it’s so conflicting. 

Letting it go seems like the clear answer. People will do what they want even if it’s a horrible thing, and I just have to focus on doing what I want which is living the best life I can while trying not to be an asshole to everyone.

When I started going to the gym a couple of years ago, I would judge people so harshly. It would be stupid things like how they were dressed to things I had no business judging others for like their inability to use a machine correctly. I picked up on it after a while because it was affecting me and making me mean, so I started working on it.

I think a lot of what I've learned and learned to apply just kind of happened. I don't feel like I put these things into practice, but maybe I'm selling myself short. The way for me to get better at it is to catch myself and stop myself when it happens. I told myself to stop worrying about others at the gym, and I would catch myself doing it. It's been a while since I started it, and I realized recently that I don't have thoughts about others at the gym anymore especially negative ones. I'm sure the reason why it feels like I don't put any work in it is because I do practice, but before I know it, I'm not even thinking about it anymore.

My goal is to just learn to be more positive and less upset at everything. It includes everything from being a more patient driver to not being upset all the time at the state of the world. I feel like I'm getting there; it's just the small nitpicks I need to work out for the most part.

The biggest nitpick I have is judging people on how they're dressed. I know it's the lamest thing but it's always been a huge flaw of mine. I know it stems from being bullied so much growing up, and it's way past time to learn to let that go. I'm working on it, though. It'll still take a while, but I know I'll get there. 

 Hello. I started having this urge to start journaling again for the past few months or so. I know this sounds dumb, but I was reading a Miles Morales comic, and he was talking about how he started journaling. Then Apple came out with a new iOS update that introduced a Journal app, and I just felt like...let's get started I suppose.

I was reading my lost post from 2020, and it just kind of makes me laugh a little. It was so scary. But I should give myself some slack, it was really scary at the time. I complained about the election, and here we are at election season again. Yay. But anyways.

I wanted to start journaling again, because I spent a lot of last year focusing on my mental health; things like meditating, learning to stop having fake arguments in my head, trying to be more patient. I think it all really helped and I learned a lot. I think journaling could also help. I want to be more introspective, and this would definitely help with that I think.

This is really just an intro post. I thought about starting on another website or the iOS app, but I feel like I should keep it on here. This page is so embarrassing, but that just shows how much I've grown so I should reflect that with this new desire to start journaling again.